Dealing in our own way

The basic meaning of coping is to satisfy or fulfill a meaning. That doesn't really seem to be what I feel that I am doing right now.

Nate and I are handling our miscarriage. The way we are handling it may not really make sense to a lot of people, and that is understandable. I make jokes for things that make me uncomfortable or sad as my way to deal. So, if that makes some uncomfortable then I am sorry, and you are free to tune me out.

Some also don't understand that instead of saving the money we had saved for the expected doctor bills for delivery and such we bought a 4wheeler. Well, to them I say, "Suck It."

If I can't save that money in the amount of time it will take me to get pregnant and have a baby then I don't need to be having kids right now anyway.

For the most part I am doing ok. I am mostly happy. I have an effing amazing husband, a pretty decent job, awesome and supportive friends. I also have a lot of anger right now and sadness. And while I don't expect it to really pass right now, I do know that it will lessen. That is all I can hope for right now.

I slept in the room I intended for the baby's room last night holding the only outfit I had bought. I know that this is sad, but it kind of gave me a sense of closure. I will save that outfit, and will bring home my next baby in it.

So, though I originally intended something lighthearted for my first blog on here, this is what you got instead. I think I just needed to get it all off my chest.

I loves you all!