Filter Anyone?

So, on a list of things you probably shouldn't say this has to be my best all week.

A new sales agent is pretty chatty, we talk from time to time. She got married yesterday to a guy I went to high school with.

As I am recognizing the name I blurt out, Oh Tony! I may have made out with him in high school.

Yeah, I am brilliant like that. But it gets better. I proceed to agree about what a man whore he was in high school. At least I was very clear in that I never put out for him AND it was before he knocked some girl up. (same year though.) I do however admit that this making out occurred in his infamous van, like so many of his other escapades, and said it was while he was pretending to be a bible thumper (because he totally was...) Total diarrhea of the mouth. I couldn't stop... Even with all the looks Amanda was giving me.

I laugh now remembering how my mom thought he was such a great guy. Sure he was polite and very charasmatic, but he really just wanted the pants around the ankle...

I truly hope their marriage works out. And I will work on that faulty filter. But if it worked all the times funny stories like this would not have happened.

I'm a dork...

If there are those of you who were currently unaware, then here is a news flash: I'm a dork.

I have played online MMO's, I read a ton, I follow some anime series... I admit it.

I read because I like to lose myself, see a different world, focus on someone else's issues. (They are always much more complicated than my own.) I like to get to know the character, think of them as real.

I like the way a writer can make a fantasy world, that if you just believed hard enough, seems completed feasible.

I love the way a book feels and smells. I feel sad to put it down in an improper resting place. (middle of a paragraph.)

Short and simple, I love reading books. Most types and genres. I want me some more books.

Amanda found this last night. It's amazingly fitting.

• You are going to move through this.

Aug. 28, 2009 at 1:35pm

You are going to move through this.

More importantly, I love you. YOU ARE GOING TO MOVE THROUGH THIS.

Don't be defeated. Submit yourself to the process. You are growing. You are changing. You are doing LIFE.

I am not trying to make you feel better. This fucking hurts, and there are no two ways around it.

But I am trying to encourage you to not retreat. I can't remove the pain, but I am going to hold your hand while it hurts.

Continue to reach out. You need people right now.

I'm here for anything you need.

You are LOVED in ways you cannot imagine. In ways that don't depend on you. In ways that don't depend on your performance. In ways that cannot be lost. Remember Remember Remember.

Love you my friend.

- Anonymous

Posted in General, Journal by jamie tworkowski

http://www.twloha.com/blog/you-are-going-to-move/#comments

Dealing in our own way

The basic meaning of coping is to satisfy or fulfill a meaning. That doesn't really seem to be what I feel that I am doing right now.

Nate and I are handling our miscarriage. The way we are handling it may not really make sense to a lot of people, and that is understandable. I make jokes for things that make me uncomfortable or sad as my way to deal. So, if that makes some uncomfortable then I am sorry, and you are free to tune me out.

Some also don't understand that instead of saving the money we had saved for the expected doctor bills for delivery and such we bought a 4wheeler. Well, to them I say, "Suck It."

If I can't save that money in the amount of time it will take me to get pregnant and have a baby then I don't need to be having kids right now anyway.

For the most part I am doing ok. I am mostly happy. I have an effing amazing husband, a pretty decent job, awesome and supportive friends. I also have a lot of anger right now and sadness. And while I don't expect it to really pass right now, I do know that it will lessen. That is all I can hope for right now.

I slept in the room I intended for the baby's room last night holding the only outfit I had bought. I know that this is sad, but it kind of gave me a sense of closure. I will save that outfit, and will bring home my next baby in it.

So, though I originally intended something lighthearted for my first blog on here, this is what you got instead. I think I just needed to get it all off my chest.

I loves you all!